University, Ep. 3 (Columbia College)

April 27, 2010 — Last night's Literary Death Match at Columbia College's Conaway Center — in partnership with Silver Tongue Reading Series  — was a collegiate delight that saw Meghan Rock's music-minded team outguess co-finalist Vanessa Pegram's team in a wild Stab-Kevin Leahy-with-a-Foam-Sword-Then-Guess-the-Tune finale that Rock won 9-7, winning her literary immortality. 

But before the first song was spun by DJ Sweet Fancy Moses, the night kicked off with Rock leading off against Stephanie Lane Sutton. Rock read the tale of a young woman who gives birth to a daughter who resembles an octopus — a baby only a mother can love, then Sutton stepped up and read the story of a young would-be Kerouac and his cyclical romantic misdeeds between poetry slams.

Once the stories were finished, the microphone was handed to the first-ever four judge panel, featuring Chris Bower, Jason Bredle, Lindsay Hunter (Quickies) and LDM Chicago, Ep. 5 finalist and "super intangibles" judge Robbie Q. Telfer (The Encyclopedia Show). The judging was varied and hilarious, with one of the highlights being Bower telling a handful of "facts" about Jack Kerouac, and Hunter commented that the term vagina hole was redundant. After a grueling deliberation, the judges opted to go with Rock as the night's first finalist. 

The next round featured Ian Richard Jones leading off against Pegram, with a story of a man who must deal with an unusual situation when his genitals start expectorating honey-roasted peanuts. Then Pegram stormed the stage with the tale of young siblings and their adventures with a laundry chute. 

Again the judges were handed the mic, with Telfer admitting the Red Bull girls (who came in and delivered can upon can of the stuff) completely distracted him during the reading, while Bredle dead-panned about his fascination with laundry chutes. Then the vote was cast, and Pegram was tagged as the night's final finalist. 

Then came the finale, which saw Captive Audience author Dave Reidy hold four foam swords at the back of the room, while DJ Sweet Fancy Moses played a random smattering of songs, while Chicago, Ep. 5 reader Kevin Leahy stood center stage waiting to be sword-stabbed. As the music played, onlookers dashed for swords, then slashed Leahy before shouting the name of the musical artist. The game to 7 was dramatically changed to 9 by Zuniga "because it seems more fun" and with the game deadlocked at seven, Rock's audience-half didn't relent, bringing home the final two points, to win her the Literary Death Match crown.