London, Ep. 31
Thursday, November 29, 2012 at 2:16PM November 29, 2012 — In its final 2012 London incarnation, Literary Death Match — sponsored by Picador — headed to LBi on Brick Lane, in a wondrous night that saw the amazing poetess Kirsten Irving out-toss co-finalist Adam Biles (author of Grey Cats) in a neck-and-neck Literary Mince Pie Toss by a score of 3-2 to win Irving the LDM London, Ep. 31 crown.
But before pastry came anywhere near Dickens' face the night opened with Adam Biles leading off against comedy writer Jane Bussmann. Biles read a story of a literal wank-fest between friends. Bussmann followed brilliantly, delivering laughs with her Powerpoint-presented piece about the wonder of Africa and why Bono needed taking down a peg or two.
The mic was then handed over to the night's all-star arbiters that included writer & historian Kate Williams, Heat Magazine TV editor Boyd Hilton and Amateur Transplants comedy man Adam Kay. Boyd thought Adam Biles to be a young Martin Amis or Alan Hollingshurst, while Adam Kay question that if U2 were to take him to court wouldn't it be pro-Bono? After huddling, the judges decided that Adam was the worthy winner of round one.
After a boozy intermission next up was party-doyenne and writer Suzette Field versus performance poetess Kirsten Irving. Suzette read a tale of Hollywood debauchery at one of Jackie Collins' parties. Kirsten brought comic characters to dark poetry, describing a friend who dressed as Dracula to come out to his parents because he "thought it would break the tension".
Again, the judges took center stage with Hilton lauding Field's perfect mid-Atlantic drawl and fondly remembered French & Saunder's 'Lucky Bitch' sketch. Kay joked that he often liked to put his 'Kindle on Shuffle' and Kate Williams said of Irving "Poems can show us so much". After deliberation they decided that it was Irving who would take the Round 2 winner's slot.
Then came the night's vaguely-Christmas-themed finale where contestants had to throw mince pies through the mouths of Clement Clarke Moore and Charles Dickens. It was a messy, explosive and nailbiting spectacle but in the end Kirsten's champion pie-tossing skill won her the Literary Death Match crown with a score of 6-4.
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