NYC, Ep. 24

March 18, 2010 — The pen proved mighty as always at the LDM NYC 24 at Bowery Poetry Club, though all swords were kept hidden by the pacifistic crowd, precluding comparison between the two contending tools. Oh well. Joined by first-time co-host Bernie Kravitz, Opium’s own Todd Zuniga opted to crash his own party with his somber announcement that it would be his last Literary Death Match as a resident of NYC for the foreseeable future (Paris, here he comes).

Fortunately, the night’s first reader, Syreeta McFadden, editor of the upcoming Union Station, had no trouble elevating the mood with her fantastic reading. Performance judge and comedian Eddie Sarfaty expressed appreciation for the close distance between McFadden’s mouth and the microphone, an intimacy which was eventually consummated with a brief moment of contact. The second reader was Elissa Schappell, author of Use Me, who represented Girls Write Now. And represent she did, impressing the judges and securing her win for the round.

Union Station's Syreeta McFadden leads things off at LDM NYC, Ep. 24

Following intermission, author Alexios Moore ushered in the second round, representing H.O.W. Journal and reading a piece that began as an amusing fish-out-of-water story centering on a teacher’s misadventures at an inner-city school, before stunning the audience with its brutal conclusion. Representing the now-defunct Haypenny, Jason Roeder came next, reading from his helpful guide to “cunnilingus.” Literary Merit judge Denise Oswald dubiously claimed that she was offended, and Piper Weiss, judging intangibles, corrected Roeder’s pronunciation of “vaginal.” The judges took a prolonged break to dispute the finalist, eventually announcing Roeder for the win.

H.O.W. Journal rep Alexios Moore leads off Round 2

In the St. Patrick’s Day-themed finale, Schappell and Roeder were tasked with tossing tong-held potatoes into the gaping mouths of Oscar Wilde and James Joyce, then they had to rid the stage of "snakes" the way St. Patrick did, by being the first to launch three gummi snakes through a basketball hoop with a backboard showing Bono's face. In a thrilling mix of athletic prowess, coordination, and luck, Schappell bested Roeder with potatoes and Bono jump shots alike, and earned her victory as the night’s LDM winner. Just imagine if she'd had a sword.