SF, Ep. 32

August 13, 2010 — In a finale seared into the collective unconscious of the Elbo Room crowd, poet D. A. Powell came from behind to snatch victory from novelist Tanya Egan Gibson. After citing the correct Shakespearean play, he claimed the winning point by thrusting his cactus forward to pop host M.G. Martin’s cherry (balloon). And yes, the exploding balloon did spew forth a distinctly blood-like liquid.

San Francisco: Still the City That Knows How!

Episode 32 marked the debut of co-hosts M.G. Martin and Alia Volz, two local talents renowned for their performance chops, literary wit, and keen fashion sense.

A special night demands special judges! The panel featured not one but two former LDM winners: Confessions of Teenage Jesus Jerk author Tony DuShane (SF, Ep. 6 alum on Intangibles, and Robin and Ruby author K.M. Soehnlein (Episode 19) on literary merit. Bringing up the rear, riding crop at the ready and wearing the shirt version of Dorothy’s ruby slippers, was the inimicable Russell Blackwood (Pearls Over Shanghai, Shocktoberfest) on performance.

Audience members picked the first two readers from M. G.’s hat, a showdown between redheaded novelists Matt Stewart (The French Revolution—SFBG’s 2010 winner for “Best Twit Lit”) and Tanya Egan Gibson (How to Buy a Love of Reading). Each read a powerful passage from their novels, each mesmerized the audience, but only one contestant emerged victorious. After chastising Stewart for standing too close to the Mike, Blackwood gave the round to Gibson.

Pushcart nominee Jamey Genna kicked off the second round with “Manx”, a humorous tale about cats and adventures in shoplifting. But she ran long and got a face full of water gun spray for her trouble. Mascara running, Genna pressed on, pausing only to note that she had just recovered from pneumonia. As Genna dried off, D. A. Powell took the stage and in a tissue-soft voice recited two short poems: "The Fluffer Talks of Eternity," and "A Little Less Kettledrum, Please."

After a painful deliberation, the judges handed the round to Powell!

While M.G. and Alia prepped for the finale, disgruntled contestants Jamey Genna and Matt Stewart avenged themselves on judge Russell Blackwood in the ladies' bathroom, busting a cap--four caps!--in his ass. Literally. Matt Stewart had a cap gun. (See the shocking footage here.)

For their deflowering as LDM hosts, Alia and M. G. stripped down to their skivvies and covered their genital areas with three balloons, two white and one red. As the finalists competed to correctly cite literary quotes about virginity, they popped balloons off their host’s body. Gibson jumped to an early lead, but Powell took three in a row, deflowering M. G. with a final thrust of his spiky cactus! Alia, refusing to accept eternal virginity, begged for satisfaction! Two short pops later and she too was covered in a distinctly blood-like liquid.

In your face, Sissy Spacek!

Writeup by Andy Dugas.